Relocating & adjusting to life in India again ... PART 5

All along through my returning to India and restarting life afresh, I was trying hard to only look at the positives and not pay too much attention to the negatives. However, there comes a point when patience, & good faith lead to anger & outrage … and I had my tipping point about 2 weeks back. I was furious and royally pissed off – and sadly, a couple who had R2I’d (Returned 2 India) around the same time as I had, had to bear the brunt of my ranting.

[NOTE : If you are eating or planning to do something pleasant, reading this post now is a bad idea K … please excuse the repulsive verbiage]

Contributing factors to my rage were aplenty – however inefficiency & reckless disdain from my fellow Indians were substantial factors. Here is a sample - On the last trip to Chennai, I was travelling by an AC Volvo bus (something I totally loved till this trip) that was stinking because the a’holes that ran the travels thought that it wasn't necessary to "clean" the bus during the rainy season - gee how thoughtful. I reached Chennai, landed at the bus terminus only to find that there was stagnant rainwater everywhere. Adding to this spectacular sight, I saw people urinating in the stagnant pools at the corners of the road … which found its way to the mainstream stagnation. Adding to the delight, a couple of extremely hygiene conscious retards spit in the same (mainstream) stagnant pool that they were wading through. I was very tempted to get into the shoes of “Vallarasu Vijaykanth”(the Indian cousin of Chuck Norris / Steven Seagal) and beat the fucking crap out of the three filthy douchebags. The only place free of stagnation was the median separating the traffic on either side. So I was actually walking on a one feet wide median with huge ass Volvo buses and trucks on both sides honking with maniacal fervor. Oh and did I mention – we separated by a safe distance of less than one feet – so realistically, if I lost balance or just extended my hand – I would actually lose it. (This is a very common sight in India and I don't know what really ticked me this particular day ... the initial thrill of R2I experience had vanished perhaps??? )

One Awesome pool I managed to click

After witnessing the spectacle mentioned above, I did not get out of home the whole of next day and was bored out of brains.  Boredom got the better of me and I decided to venture out into the filthy paradise. Surprisingly, the roads were fairly dry. I was actually a bit pleased not being aware of the next surprise in store. Most of the roads were reduced to their raw materials – the thing that keeps the stones and mud and other stuff together was all gone. With the passage of every vehicle there was a huge cloud of trailing dust and a ride in a car/ bus / auto felt like a rough boat ride.

A pic from Hindu News Paper - online edition

I can think of two things – as soon as I had returned to India there was a meet of other folks who had returned to India as well. There was one experienced wise guy in the group who mentioned just this – “India during the summer and India during the rains are two different places – so wait for the rains.” I totally understand what he meant. The other thing – I grew up here and this is not new to me. I was fully mentally prepared to see the filth and dirt and nastiness that I elaborated about. But honestly experiencing it is a different league as opposed to being prepared and anticipating it. With this, I stop my rantings for the day.

Police Story - Part 2

This should actually be part 3. The second incident with the cops was fairly boring – so nothing mention worthy there. However by this time, my (evil) impression of cops had considerably mellowed down.

This time I was riding a friend’s super stylish fancy (it is a lower power version of race bike - the same one in the pic) bike near the Eliots beach in Besant Nagar. At the end of the road, there were 3 cops and they stopped me, asked me to park the vehicle and meet the Sargent. I did as instructed. The dialogue that ensued –

“License and registration documents”

I showed him my license and said, “I don’t have the documents right now.

It is a friend’s bike and I am just using it for the evening.”

“Sorry sire! This happens to be the bike that gets stolen the most. I cannot let you go without seeing the documents. Can you please call the owner and get it from them.”

“Sure – but I might need some time”

“Where does he live?”

“Besant Nagar.” (Same locality where I was pulled over)

He took my license and then went to attend other people who were pulled over. As I was a talking to the friend over cell phone, he was going over the licenses and then called out my name loud. I was not sure what it was for and I went to him.

“Sir – is this the original license?”

“Yes – it is.”

Like in the Basha film, his demeanor changed. Not sure if why – probably people in this part of the world never carry originals? I have no clue.

“Sire – you can take the bike and go and get it yourself.”

“Keys?”

“Sure Sire – you can take it … sire police are like your friends – you don’t have to be scared of us. We are just here to serve you.”

I was not sure what the original license did to him - but I was even more surprised on hearing the last couple of lines.

The friend was not there, so his brother accompanied me. It might be worthwhile to mention that his brother was in class 10. So we went back to the cop and showed him all the originals. He was convinced and just fined me 50 bucks for which a receipt was printed and issued on the spot – what technology!!! Impressive I say!!! While handing me the receipt, he mentioned that it was valid till mid-night that day and it was very possible that I might get pulled over again - and it might come in handy. I was about to throw it away - but thought will hold on to it at least till I dropped off the bike @ my friend's place. 

Then after paying the fine this is how the conversation turned out –

He asked me – “Sir, where do you work?”

“Samsung” – I replied.

“Sir, how are the Samsung dual SIM phones doing in the market?”

“I am not too sure. I just got one myself yesterday.” Saying that, I handed my phone to him. He inspected the phone – looking through the features and asking me details about how dual SIM worked and the hottest dual SIM phone in market. I spent a good 5 minutes giving him details of my research over the last few weeks on dual SIM phones.

After that, for whatever reason, he justified the reason for pulling me over mentioning that it was order from the Chief Minister and that the number of fatal injuries were growing amongst bikers etc etc …

Finally – when I was about to leave, he said to the friend’s brother – “Sir, be safe with your bike and ride safe. Next time you loan your bike to someone, also make sure you loan your documents.”

Little did the cop realize he was actually addressing a class 10 guy as Sir. And he waved both of us goodbye. On our way back both of us burst out laughing at what had just happened. And tell you what ... the cop was right. I got pulled over again 2 streets further down ... however, the receipt came to the rescue this time ... and no explanations were required. After getting pulled over twice in a span of one hour on the same day ... I am never going to borrow this "cop magnet" bike of this friend.